Contacting the guy who killed my father

[BairleaFarm 339]

Back in 1986 my brother shot and killed my father. He was eventfully caught in Canada. He was released from prison when I was in the 6th grade. I suspect he staying in KY. My main moral in life is to forgive and forget. I do not look at the death of my father as a negative thing but I see it is something that helped me grow closer to my step dad(he raised me from the time I was 1 until i moved out at age 19). I have been thinking about contacting him. He may still be a bad guy then again he might be a nice guy that had issues when he was a teenager(he was 19 when he killed dad). Now his mistakes did change my life and the life of others forever but none the less they were mistakes. I would at a minimum like to exchange corrispondance with him. I do believe I had found him and i think I may have his number. Now my question is how would you start that conversation? Hey why did you kill dad doesn't seem like the best of openers.

Lexington Herald-Leader (KY) - July 10, 1986 - B4 CITY/STATE

BOURBON MAN SUSPECT IN FATHER'S DEATH

A 19-year-old Bourbon County man is being sought in the murder of his father, whose decomposed body was found in a woodshed near his home Tuesday, police said. William Phelps Cobb Jr., 47, of Bryan Station Road in Bourbon County, was found dead in a woodshed near his home on Bairlea Farm. Bourbon Deputy Coroner Jeff Lizer said that Cobb, who had been dead for several days, apparently died of a gunshot wound. Don Fuller, who was Cobb's employer, and two co-workers found the body...

[HorseFixer 2,012]

Back in 1986 my brother shot and killed my father. He was eventfully caught in Canada. He was released from prison when I was in the 6th grade. I suspect he staying in KY. My main moral in life is to forgive and forget. I do not look at the death of my father as a negative thing but I see it is something that helped me grow closer to my step dad(he raised me from the time I was 1 until i moved out at age 19). I have been thinking about contacting him. He may still be a bad guy then again he might be a nice guy that had issues when he was a teenager(he was 19 when he killed dad). Now his mistakes did change my life and the life of others forever but none the less they were mistakes. I would at a minimum like to exchange corrispondance with him. I do believe I had found him and i think I may have his number. Now my question is how would you start that conversation? Hey why did you kill dad doesn't seem like the best of openers.

[BairleaFarm 339]

Seems like if you have questions you could petition for the court records and read the file,

I have. I read all the records when I turned 18. I also received all the weapons used - except the handgun.

I would also find out his history to present, police records should be available, along with other records

Thats a good idea. I think i will investigate this further.

[illinilefttackle 399]

Simpleman- I agree with Duke-with this this reservation. If he served hard time-he may be guy that has been "changed" by prison life-and not for the good. Be careful checking him out-he may not take kindly to your investigation. I think if you are reasonably sure he's a OK guy now-I would contact him-but not by phone-it would put too much pressure on him too quickly- Maybe drop him a line, stating that you would like to talk to him-get to know him again-then leave it up to him to take it further. He is your brother-but I keep remembering what my Dad taught me-"Seldom do leopards change their spots"- Good Luck-AL

[Teddy da Bear 11]

I would also get a post office box in another town.

If worse came to worse.....it would not be so easy to track you down

if you decided you did not want that kind of contact.

[T-Mo-(Moderator) 4,337]

David,

This is a tough call to make. I agree wholeheartedly with the other responses here. Also, you need to consider that you're not the only one here who is involved. There's your family, wife and kids, that you need to take into consideration. You may have questions, may be curious, etc., but always put your immediate family first. Myself, I would do as much research even before I would even consider this. And then, I probably would leave it alone. Just my thoughts......

[Butch 194]

You surely have to consider the welfare of your family. I'd talk to other people about your brother first. Your mother, step-father, cousins his age and other family members who are older and are familiar with it. He should have a probation officer you might wanna try and get info from. He may or may not be a standup guy. Do you know what happened that day and why? You should be able to go to the courthouse and read the trial transcripts. He may feel justified in the killing depending on the circumstances. If he is a problem you may never get rid of him. These are things you should try to find out before you decide to see him.

I'm curious as to why he hasn't tried to contact you to explain what happened that day, whether he felt justified or not or whether he wants forgiveness or not. If he is a good man it must go through his mind about trying to contact family. But the law may prevent him from making any family contact.

Good Luck.

[BairleaFarm 339]

His story changed several times through out his trials. My mother doesn't recall him being "bad" in the years prior to the murder. He was not allowed to contact me or live in any county touching my county until I was 18. I assume he has not tried to contact me because he suspect i will not forgive him.

I have thought about my families well being and I suspect thats the reason why I havent pursued it.

To be honest I didnt think about checking his current record or state of mind until this thread. Im glad I posted it and will do more investigation before I try to make contact.

On a side note: When I was in the Military we had a new officer that reported about a year after i did. He always had me bring him ale8 back(a local drink). We were talking on night and he said you know your name sounds familiar. We later discovered that he used to be friends with my brother and remembers hanging out with my brother at my fathers farm.

Ive also wondered in maybe my father was abusive? He wasnt that I remember and everyone I have ask about him said he was a great man who never even raised his voice.

[hodge 6]

All of these responses have valid points, and I am not playing the devils advocate. I would take to heart what wisdom has been given, plus remember this- your brother may dearly need you. He may have been living all these years with guilt, resentment, and the belief that his family doesn't want him. Forgiveness is difficult, and whether you make contact or not doesn't reflect whether you should forgive him. Hating him for something that can't be changed is corrosive to you, not him. It is like taking poison, and them waiting for him to die. So, it is good to see that you have forgiveness in your heart. Maybe you shouldn't make direct contact, but it would probably have a positive effect if he knows that you don't hate him- however method he could find that out. A letter, etc. I would tread cautiously, but I think you are going in the right direction.

You are a big man, sharing this with us, and expressing your forgiveness. You will be blessed through this.

[Teddy da Bear 11]

I do have an idea, even though it involves a lot of footwork.

You could always write to your brother once you definately have his address.

But do not include a return address. Take your letter/letters several towns away

to mail them (again to make it harder to track you down). But if he was not

allowed to live in counties that are near your county......stands to reason he

must need to know where you are in order to comply with the order.

It sounds like you want him to know about you and that you forgive him.

Well, those "one way" letters would do that without telling him where you

or your family live. You tell him in your letters what you want him to know.

He has the choice of reading them or not. Your feelings won't be hurt if he

doesn't, because you will never know. But at least you will have to chance

to tell him how you feel. And in time after several letters over a period of

time. You could ask he contact you through a generic email address like

yahoo. That would not give away your location.

Even if he does not have computer access, that can be had at most any

library in his area. If he does not write any emails......you will know he

wants no contact.

[Butch 194]

If Simpleman and his brother have the same last names and Simpleman didn't move far from the area then his brother can easily find him. His brother was 19 years old so he knew and I'm sure that he remembers he had a baby brother.

[jerrell 1]

David i agree with all the points made so far, but be very careful on your feelings and consider that maybe he dosn't want to be contacted by any of his former family, what i'm trying to say is be prepared for rejection, while you may want to forgive, he may want to forget. i saw a lot of this in the viet nam returnees. they didn't want to be reminded of what happened and would become indifferent or reject any rememberance of that time in their lives. Just take care of yourself first. it is very difficult to dismiss something so tragic that happened in out past, and try as we may, it still lingers in the back of our memory. i do agree that you should make an effort in contacting him, that effort will help you in the future at least you did put forth the effort but prepare yourself for rejection, on the other hand it could be a blessing, and you two could be brothers again.

you have my hope and prayers that this willesolve itself in your favor.

if you wanted to write a letter, send the letter in another letter to someone many states away and have them mail it for you. also consider that he already knows where you live and is afraid of the rejection also.

[BairleaFarm 339]

There is just so many ifs and whats in this situation.

[hodge 6]

Be honest with yourself. You can "if and but" yourself into and out of anything. Seek counsel, pray about it, make a decision (don't be wishy-washy), and go with it. While all points brought up are valid, they can also be pointless if you are just using them to talk yourself out of something. Be honest with yourself.

[jerrell 1]

david i went back and read your post again and it seems to me that you want to make a connection with your brother, and as hodge pointed out the indecision is terrible, once you make up your mind about what you want to do and do it , i bet you will feel better about the situation. as it stands now all you are doing is second guessing and this can cause you some worries as well as your family members.

[KyBlue 652]

David, I kinda know where you are coming from, the guy who killed my dad, while it wasnt a relative, it was somebody that managed to wriggle their way outta paying for the crime, Due to public records, I know who, where, and when.. I have resisted the urge to contact them because I know myself that there wont be much of a conversation - itd go something like me getting out of the truck with a really big stick and well... you can use your imagination from there...

David I really dont think that If I was in your shoes that I would want to contact that person, relative or not.. but thats just me.

[GeeGee 0]

I see that it has been several years since you posted this, but I have just seen it for the first time today, if you are still interested I may have some info for you

[CasualObserver 3,406]

This topic is 11 years old and that member hasn't been here since sometime prior to 2011.