Psst, wanna hear a joke?

[Mickwhitt 4,151]

I though it might be fun to have some humour in these dark times. So let's have some good clean, hem hem, jokes from across the world.

A young farmer is riding along on a lovely red wheelhorse. His friend meets him and says hey, nice wheels, where did you get that?

Well, it's a bit strange but this young girl was riding it along. When she saw me she pulled up, jumped off, took off all her clothes and laid on the ground and said take whatever you want. Well the clothes wouldn't fit so I took the tractor. 

[formariz 11,849]

You refer to “me” in the second part. Sounds like a real  story.

If it wasn’t a Wheelhorse I would say poor decision but since it was its ok.

Edited May 21, 2020 by formariz

[Pullstart 59,722]

Did it matter what the clothes were?  
 

here’s one. Or two.

 

What do you call a cow with no legs?  Ground Beef.

 

What do you call a cow with only two legs?  Lean Beef.

[bottjernat1 2,189]

Here is a couple: 

•  I haven’t seen that new film “The Tractor” yet, but I’ve seen the trailer.
• When is a tractor not a tractor?  When it turns into a barn.
• What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
  It gets toad away.
• Q: Is Google male or female?
  A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

[Mickwhitt 4,151]

What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye?

 

A d'youthinkysaurus.

[8ntruck 6,376]

All I have is a dirty joke:

 

A little boy was out running though the woods.

 

He tripped on a root and fell in a mud puddle.

[ebinmaine 63,137]

5 hours ago, bottjernat1 said:

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

Says Trina:

 

It gets hoppin mad!!

 

[953 nut 51,682]

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows? Udder nonsense!

 

Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He has got no beef.

 

What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier? He got a hot-diggity-dog!

 

Farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed!

 

 What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?

[Yossarian 203]

Being born a Yankee I experienced quite the culture shock when I moved to south Louisiana for a year after college.  There are apparently two fellas down there that have all sorts of stories told about them. Boudreaux and Thibodeau (pronounced boo-droe and tib-uh-doe for those that live north of New Orleans), although I never met them personally I have no doubt they exist.

ETA: You have to read this like you're watching Swamp People.

 

Boudreaux and Thibodeau were out on the bayou fishing one day.  Boudreaux turns to Thibodeau and he says" Ya know, I tink Imma divorce my old lady" Thibodeau, with concern in voice for his good friend says "Mais why? Whassa matta? "  Boudreaux  replies "Well, she aint said nuttin to me in tree weeks".   After a few moments of deep thought Thibodeau says. "Mais, you mite wanna tink abou dat. Wimmin like dats hard to fine"

[bc.gold 3,399]

Road Rage - Funny

 

 

[Mickwhitt 4,151]

That's a great film. Love it.

[bc.gold 3,399]

8 minutes ago, Mickwhitt said:

That's a great film. Love it.

 

It's hilarious, glad you enjoyed it.

[ebinmaine 63,137]

Two peanuts decide to go out dancing one night. At the end of the night one of them says to the other, I had a lot of fun but that place was kind of rough. I was a salted.