Serious advise needed

[zieg72 209]

A little background... Almost 21 year old male son... Graduated 3rd in his class, straight A's in college so far. Wants to be an Oncologist and cure cancer. Very responsible, only has had 1 speeding ticket and no other problems that I know of. Lives at home and commutes 26 miles one way to college 4 days a week.

Problem is like most others I know his age is that he feels he is invincible. He stays up very late to study and says he can function on little sleep which he seems to be able to do so far. He also stays out late when not studying with friends that I know of and approve of. No alcohol involved as my wife has the most sensitive nose and would smell it before he would have walked through the door.

He is not a morning person and can't seem to wake up on his own. He says he sets alarms but obviously he sleeps right through them. There is a lot of yelling and last minute commotion to get him out the door.

He is only working part time but I don't want to see him loose his job as he needs it for gas money. We help out with college but can't afford to pay for it all. I also don't want to be his alarm clock.

Yesterday I made the stand the we were not going to be his alarm clock. I waited and waited and finally went into his room and asked him if he had to work.... Well no yelling and no shower but he would be late again and I am sure exceeding the speed limit to get there...

I know the root cause is lack of restful sleep. How do I get it through to him???

I know some may wish that was their only problem and I am very thankful for such a good kid, just looking for some advice.

Thanks in advance... :wh:

[rmaynard 16,372]

Having been there with two grown children, it's not the same for all.

My opinion would be to tell him that at his age, he is to be responsible for his own life. Let him suffer the consequences of late arrival at work. After he gets fired, he may get the point.

Next door neighbor had a son with the same problem. Loosing jobs and getting poor grades in college. The father told him to either shape up or enlist in the Army.

Four years in the Army did wonders for the boy. After getting out, he finished college, got married, and has a great job and family.

[Buzz 502]

You might want to buy him one of these: http://www.alarmclocksonline.com/LoudAlarmClocks.htm

You could also get a clock radio that is set to a station that plays Polka music 24/7 and turn the volume up really LOUD. Just make sure that it is as far from his bed as possible so that he has to get up to shut it off. Once he's on his feet he MIGHT stay up. Other than that you might have to continue to be his alarm clock if you want him to keep his job. I've been fortunate that both my kids, and the 15 year old grand-daughter we're raising, get up with no problem when their alarm goes off.

[Kelly 1,033]

Hit him where it hurts, his wallet, charge him for a wake up call say $3 a day might make him think.

I'm also lucky all 3 of my kids get up on their own with alarms, my youngest boy 10 sets his for 6:35 my daughter 15 gets up at 4:30 my oldest 20 gets up at 7:15 stagered so bathroom time is better, even on weekends they all get up by 8am I'm lucky there, but my youngest and daughter fight like cats and dogs most of the time, but other times they are best friends, kids I guess??

[dodge78 94]

get him one of these

Or for 2 weeks, get to bed 6 hours before he needs to get up, and see if there is a difference.

[puddlejumper 67]

Ice water wake up calls. A few mornings of that and he will meet you at the door. And he cleans up the mess not mamma.

[MalMac 1,332]

Well I have a daughter that is in college and use to have the same problem. I did to her what I did to some of my troops when I was in the Marine Corps. Use the pounding on an empty steel trash can right by there head. Then the tipping of the rack (bed) over and dump them out. After doing that it seemed to have cured the problem. Also add a little yelling and screaming when they are all trying to wonder what the h*** just happen when they are picking them self up off the floor. Oh they will give you the deer in the head light look and might be ticked off at you but it will work.

[MikesRJ 558]

... Almost 21 year old male son...

Say you had someone over 18 working for you and he showed up late for work. Would you tell him/her to go home and tell Mommy and Daddy to make sure he gets up in the morning so he can get to work in time? He's over 18 and doesn't (shouldn't) need Mommy and Daddy to watch over him anymore.

If he's lazy, let him learn the hard way. Give advice and walk away leaving him to fly on his own. After 18 you've done all the parenting you should need to, now your role should convert from parent/guardian to "adviser". Treat an adult as an adult.

[AMC RULES 37,211]

Yep, I agree. At twenty one, he should've been gone by now. :thumbs:

[Gerry w 2]

Ice water wake up calls. A few mornings of that and he will meet you at the door. And he cleans up the mess not mamma.

worked on my son!!

[Gene_S 93]

My opinion would be to tell him that at his age, he is to be responsible for his own life. Let him suffer the consequences of late arrival at work. After he gets fired, he may get the point.

I so agree with Bob on your problem. Anymore kids don't have a set bed time when their in school. When I was in school I had a set bed time for school nights and weekends up until I graduated.

He needs to learn his lesson some how with out you being his alarm clock every day. I don't agree he should be out of the house at 21 but he needs to be an adult and take care of himself. If you try what Kelly suggested he will start to see the financial side even quicker!!!

Doing anything is surely hard because all you want for him is succes and you love him. You may make him mad but he'll come around. Best of luck!

[TT-(Moderator) 1,162]

Have him read this:

http://www.wheelhorseforum.com/index.php?showtopic=26962

:thumbs:

[6wheeler 669]

Well, This is what I call interesting. And once again, The good people here on Red Square have helped me learn something. I am not the only one with this problem . I have two of my boys home again. 1 will be 22 in May, the 2nd turned 20 in Jan. Both had good jobs and got laid off. No money,= no place to live. They asked to move home and I always give them 1 chance so I said yes. They are my boys so, what do ya do. Anyway, they both started looking for jobs right away. Filled out tons of applications but, still no job. I've seen this story on here from some of you other guys that have been job hunting as well. Well, they are getting very discouraged and just sit around moping. The 22 year old tried to enlist in the Marines and they put him on the delayed entry program and jerked him around for over a year to the point where he talked to his recruiter and told him to tear up his paperwork, so he is done with that.(My brother has been in the Army for 27 years said its because the armed forces are offering such large bonuses to sign people up and cannot pay them that they just keep prolonging the entry. The Army does the same thing because it shows large numbers of enlistments to the top brass and appropriations. Even though more people quit than stay, but the numbers are there.) To make a long story short ( too late) what I did was sit down with them and asked them, "What would you do if mom and I died tomorrow? What would you do? Where would you go? how would you eat? How would you live? It could happen you know." That was, I think the wake up call they needed. They both have renewed their efforts and got off their butts. Whining and depression were replaced with REALITY. That is the best teacher.

[Redbirdman 7]

My son was just as bad....... a really good kid/guy.......but very annoying.

I brought him to a Merchant Marine school, a Navy recruiter and a junior college.

Nahhhhh, just wanted to work at Radio Shack, sleep all day and party after work.

No screaming, no yelling...........

So we went out and put a deposit on a low-income condo 5 miles away.....handed him the keys and told him to come by on Sundays for dinner.

It worked out perfect..........He is a licensed Captain now, married a woman who's father owns a liquor store (not kidding) has a great son and he is a perfect dad!

Only one catch, I am sorry to say he owns at least 50 John Deeres,,,,,,sad huh?

On the other side.......my daughter was a pain in the butt as a 19 yo....

30 years later ....one day she says to me and my wife: " MY daughter is a pain in the butt, I don't know what to do with her!?"

Momma and I both said in unison: " Ohhhhh, is that so, ain't that just tooooo bad"!

Life goes around I guess, ed :thumbs:

[zieg72 209]

Thanks for the many replies. I had a nice talk with him and explained his options. So far so good. I am going to email him this link and have him read it...

[Coadster32 793]

Have him read this:

http://www.wheelhorseforum.com/index.php?showtopic=26962

Wow, that's like deja-vu all over again. Is it groundhogs day, or april fools? :thumbs:

[Docwheelhorse 2,740]

I would rig an alarm clock to trip the starter solenoid on a C160 with no muffler at all that is parked in his room....

I think setting up a loud alarm clock on the other side of the room making him get out of bed will work.... it did for me.

Tony