DAD JOKES

[953 nut 69,452]

What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea?

 

 

Their crews were marooned.

[Achto 32,789]

If you ran a tanker full of water into a tanker full of vinegar. What sound would they make???

 

 

 

" DUSCHE !!!! "

[953 nut 69,452]

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?

 

 

A barber-queue.

[Achto 32,789]

A man's wife said to him, "Don't you dare waste any more money on buying rum anymore!"

The man replied, "Then maybe you should stop wasting money on your beauty parlor!"

The wife, taken aback by the logical answer, said, "But I do this so I look beautiful for you, my dear.."

To which the man simply said, "You see, I drink for the same reason too! So that you look beautiful to me!"

[953 nut 69,452]

Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs $ 2.50. You want to know why?

 

 

Inflation.

[Achto 32,789]

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soon there's a funny part. The dog makes some low woofing sounds that seem like laughter. In a little while there's a sad part and the dog appears to be weeping. This continues throughout the film and the man sitting behind the dog is astounded.

When the lights come up he taps the dog's owner on the shoulder and tells him, "I gotta say, and I know it sounds weird, but it seemed like your dog really enjoyed this movie."

The dog owner looks at the dog and nods. "I know, it really is weird," he says, "because he absolutely hated the book."

[953 nut 69,452]

The pony couldn't sing because it was a little horse.

[SylvanLakeWH 32,589]

[Bar Nuthin 3,261]

What was even more useful than the first telephone?

The second telephone.

[Bar Nuthin 3,261]

Why do scuba divers always sit on the edge of the boat, then roll off backwards?

Because if they rolled off forwards, they'd land in the boat.

[953 nut 69,452]

What do you call a dog that can't bark?

 

 

A hushpuppy.

[Bar Nuthin 3,261]

What has 5 toes, but isn't your foot?

 

My foot.

[953 nut 69,452]

I have a clean conscious,

 

it's never been used.

[Achto 32,789]

A lost dog wanders through the jungle. In the distance a lion sees him and whispers: "I'm going to eat him, I have never seen anything like that before."

The lion then began to approach the dog in a threatening manner. When the dog realized this, he panicked, but as he tried to run away, he saw a bone nearby, and he got the idea to speak out loud. "Lion meat is delicious!"

The lion suddenly stopped and said: "Wow, this guy is stronger than he looks, I better go while I can."

A monkey was watching this from the tree. Apparently, the monkey thought that if he told the lion, he would get something in return. Then the monkey told the lion the truth, and the lion got angry and said: "Go on my back, and I'll take you with me."

And he began to run after the dog. When the dog saw this, he realized what had happened and began to panic even more. Then he had another idea, and he yelled: "Where the heck is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"

[953 nut 69,452]

What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?

 

 

A best friend you can count on.