Achto 32,612 #201 Posted Monday at 10:11 AM Two idiots go on a fishing trip They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their holiday, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home, they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us $1,500!" The other guy says "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
953 nut 69,066 #202 Posted Monday at 06:14 PM What did the periodic table say to the chemist? "I've got my ion you." 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Achto 32,612 #209 Posted Tuesday at 10:13 AM A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a funeral procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years." 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
953 nut 69,066 #210 Posted Tuesday at 12:01 PM The graveside service had just ended when there was a frightening clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning accompanied by even louder thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and said calmly, “Well, she’s there.” 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Achto 32,612 #214 Posted yesterday at 10:29 AM I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!" "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting." 1 5 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
953 nut 69,066 #215 Posted yesterday at 01:36 PM A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "*****!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road and dies. If only men would listen. 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
953 nut 69,066 #216 Posted 22 hours ago In a court this conversation is reported to have taken place: Lawyer: 'At the scene of the accident, Mr. O'Brien, did you tell the Police officer that you had never felt better in your life?' O'Brien the old farmer: 'That's right, sir.' Lawyer: 'Well then, Mr O'Brien, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's car hit your cart?' O'Brien the farmer: 'When the Police Officer arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Darcy, my dog, who was badly hurt, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life.' 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
953 nut 69,066 #223 Posted 22 hours ago https://wpitradio.com/comedy/video/eejfbcnu 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Achto 32,612 #224 Posted 9 hours ago Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dangerous than beer. I discovered this last night. I drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while my wife was just at home drinking tea. You should have seen how mad and violent she was when I got home. She threw the chair at me and kept screaming at the top of her lungs. On the other hand, I was quiet and peaceful and silently made my way to bed. But she kept cursing and shouting through the night and well into the next morning. Please friends, if you can’t handle your tea, you should not be drinking it. Please avoid drinking tea. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
953 nut 69,066 #225 Posted 8 hours ago Sid was travelling down a country road when he saw a crowd of people gathering outside a farmhouse. He stopped and asked Farmer Ellis why such a large crowd of men was gathered there. The farmer replied, 'Jo's donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.' 'Well, 'replied the man, 'She must have had a lot of friends.' 'Nope, 'said Farmer Ellis.' We all just want to buy his donkey.' 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
