DAD JOKES

[Achto 32,344]

 

Wife: “Do you think our kids are spoiled?” 

 

Husband: “No, I think most kids smell that way.”

 

 

Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”

 

Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”

 

[C100guy94 125]

On 8/26/2026 at 6:08 PM, CRF857 said:

My wife's moto. 

[953 nut 68,466]

What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit? Straw-berries!

[Achto 32,344]

If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

[953 nut 68,466]

 

What do farmers use to make crop circles? A Pro-tractor

[Achto 32,344]

When my wife says, "I'll do it later," I know it means 'after I finish this episode, or season, or series."

[953 nut 68,466]

What farm animal keeps the best time?                  A watch dog!

[Achto 32,344]

My wife and I always compromise: I admit I'm wrong, and she agrees with me.

[SylvanLakeWH 32,120]

7 minutes ago, Achto said:

My wife and I always compromise: I admit I'm wrong, and she agrees with me.

 

Mrs Sylvan says you are very wise...

 

I told her what about your questionable choice of friends... 

 

She gave me the look...

 

So i compromised...

 

[953 nut 68,466]

What day do potatoes hate the most?                                                         Fry-day!

[Handy Don 17,312]

16 minutes ago, SylvanLakeWH said:

I told her what about your questionable choice of friends... 

I don’t want to question my spouse, but she thinks highly of my “tractor friends.”  

[953 nut 68,466]

11 hours ago, Handy Don said:

I don’t want to question my spouse, but she thinks highly of my “tractor friends.”  

She probably doesn't know us very well                        probably should keep it that way.                   

[Achto 32,344]

Most people don’t like horse jokes, so I’m going against the rein.

 

I love a good horse pun, but then I’m a little unstable.

 

What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

 

Why are horses such bad dancers?
They’ve got two left feet.

 

 I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did!

Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.

 

 

Edited yesterday at 10:13 AM by Achto

[953 nut 68,466]

How to Buy a Horse

Ethan walks into a barn with a farmer to buy a horse

The horse is laid down in some straw. After giving the horse the once-over Ethan says, "This horse hasn't got any shoes on."

The farmer replies "Well he hasn't got up yet.

 

 

[Horsin'round 482]

On 9/8/2026 at 7:47 AM, Achto said:

My wife and I always compromise: I admit I'm wrong, and she agrees with me.

 

 

Always remember,  you can be right,  or you can be happy!

[953 nut 68,466]

Hillbilly Knows Best

A hillbilly farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store.

'Heya, Wilbur,' said Ron, the store owner. 'Tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?'

'You betcha, Ron. Ain't no 'tother way. Why?'

'Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It's called a "match". 
'Match? Never heard of it.'

'Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this,' Ron says, taking a match and striking it on his trousers.

'Huh. Well, that's something, but that ain't for me, Ron.' 
'Well, why not?'

'I can't be walking twelve miles every time I want a fire and borrow your trousers.

 

 

[Handy Don 17,312]

Lumber sales guy asks the apprentice carpenter shopping for lumber how long does he want the 2x4’s.

Apprentice says “a long time, we’re building a house"

[Beap52 2,438]

Although this is not a dad joke, it's one of my wife's favorites and it's more of a "got ya" joke:

 

When Pam is around someone with whom she thinks she can pull this joke on she'll talk about her "dog vein".    She rubs her neck as if feeling her dog vein and asks if the person, if he/she wants to feel her dog vein. 

 

Once the person places their finger on Pam's dog vein, she immediately growls and snaps at the hand like a dog.  Catches unsuspecting persons off guard and they pull their hand back rather quickly.  

 

So far, I never seen anyone slap Pam for this prank.

[Achto 32,344]

Why did the man stand behind the horse?

He was hoping to get a kick out of it

 

How do you make an appaloosa?

Shake the tree

[Achto 32,344]

Some racehorses are staying in a stable.

One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”

Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”

“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.

At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”

[953 nut 68,466]

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.