Mortality ramblings

[formariz 11,849]

All my life I was the type of person that pretty much did not worry about much. I have always taken a logical approach to things in life and by nature I also am not a worrier. That applies to everything and unfortunately also to my health. Specifically worrying about death has never before crossed my mind. Life however has a way of throwing surprises at you especially in later years and it just changes your mind set. I think it all started with the passing of my mother last year. Suddenly the prospect of my mortality is weighing heavily on me.

With the unfortunate event of my wife being diagnosed with Parkinson’s   about six years ago and now disease progressing faster than anticipated, she is little by little losing her independence and relying on me more and more. I now worry that if I am not around, what will become of her. Even with help from my children, it definitely will not be the same. She definitely would not be able to stay here for she couldn’t handle it on her own. Moving in with one of them would also probably be a problem since she is so independent minded. She also no longer deals well with stressful situations or complications.

I also have one son who on top of persistent bad luck, seems to make many wrong decisions. I am not sure which comes first the bad luck or the bad decisions. I am constantly watching for little signs of trouble which I have become very good at detecting. When detected I jump in immediately to avert disaster many times. Who will be here to watch for trouble and keep things running smoothly? What will happen if no one does?

So it seems that I have gone from being worry free to somewhat being consumed with it. I have always been an organization freak, but now its worst, constantly making sure that everything is in place and up to date . Always planning for the unexpected.

It just seems that I will not be able to die with peace of mind.

[Cvans 1,009]

Really sorry to hear this as worry is not conducive to a long life. I can understand your wife's situation and the burden that comes with it. That in itself needs to be addressed. You need to take care of yourself and be very attuned to how your doing. Don't worry about it just be ready to admit you need a break and then take one. Your going to feel guilty about it but things will go fine and when you return you'll feel better. That is really important.

Also you need to get good sleep. Handling stress, pain, and daily trials is much easier to do if your rested. This is well documented. Your diet should be taken into consideration also. 

  This is easier said than done but try not to worry. There are things you can change and things you can't and no amount of worry will change that. I was the worst worry wart at work to the point my stomach was all messed up. Finally one day it dawned on me that I'm only one person and can only take care of so many things. That made a huge difference in my life and health. 

Hopefully you can come to grips with your situation and you start feeling better. Best of luck to you. 

[troutbum70 857]

I am sorry to hear all the things you have going on, I know I can't help other than to suggest you take these issues before the LORD. Be patient with him as results do not always happen in a short time. He tells us in scripture he can not always take us around the storm, but he will carry us through the storm and out the other side. You just have to believe with all your heart. 

 

[Ed Kennell 35,756]

Cas, I am so sorry to hear of your wife's suffering.   I wish I had some magical advice to help you through these troubling times.

I won't go into details, but several events over the past few years have caused me to spend hundreds of hours visiting family members and a friend in hospitals and rehab centers.   Corresponding with another Red Square member in a similar situation has helped me cope with the pain of seeing a loved one suffer.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

 

 

[formariz 11,849]

Thank you everyone for the kind understanding reactions. I truly appreciate it. At this point in my life these are totally new feelings to me and I have to admit sometimes they create a bit of a panic and a sense of helplessness, or just a total inability of knowing what to do, which is an absolute first for me . Those feelings then of course have to be hidden so they don't aggravate her situation and already fragile state of mind. My outlet is as always to continuously work and stay busy. Every body has different ways of dealing with stressful situations, mine has always been to work . I just have to keep moving and absorb myself into what ever I do sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Mentally it keeps me healthy but unfortunately physically it does not.I rarely go to bed before 3AM and by 8AM I am going again. So again thank you for the words of encouragement and Ed @Ed Kennell don't be surprised that I may sometime take your kind offer.

[SylvanLakeWH 24,122]

Prayers for you, your wife and your family...