Squonk's Dougie Buffone Memorial NFL Rant n Rave Thread !

[squonk 38,925]

The NFL season is upon us. I created this thread in memory of my all time favorite Chicago Bear and radio analyst Dougie Buffone who passed away several months ago. Gone will be his iconic classic rants after a Bears loss on 670 The Score in Chicago. Us Packer fans would tune in to Dougie and Ed after a Bears loss instead of listening to the Packers post game show every week. Radio comedy at it's finest! 

Here you can crow about your team or complain about your head coach's blunders. I'll be analyzing every week in my infamous Squonkese so no one will know what I'm talking about anyway. First the predictions 

AFC:   East   Bills fans have been all giddy. Pretty Boy Brady wasn;t going to play 4 games and Sexy Rexy was the coach. I told them 'don't count your chickens too fast. Bills defwense will be good but the offense will crash. Rex will be run out of town in 4 yrs.

The Jets well the best thing about the Jets are their fans. They are the best. Too bad the NFL draft got moved out of NY. The Fans reaction to their pick was the best part.

Dolphins will stink as well. Their arch enemy the Bills will hope Sue stomps on Brady.

Pats will win the division like they always do

AFC North:

I call this the Stodgy division. All these teams put me to sleep. Big question can Big Ben  make it through the year without getting hurt or arrested? Decent offense

Ravens go as far as Flacco takes them. If he doesn't air it out another decent offense.

Cincy can't beat The little Sister's of the Poor come playoff time. Dalton needs to change his hair color.

3 way toss up for the divison The Browns who I think will be better are the Browns. Can't catch a break but I'm pullin for them

AFC South:

All Colts but their defense is junk

Titans will struggle with Mariota but he will become a good one.

Texans will compete if Watt can play QB as well as TE

Jags will win a couple but they are the Browns of the south

AFC West:

SD will be exciting with Rivers flinging the ball all over the place They will score alot and be scored on a lot My pick for the division

Denver can win the division if they can come up with enough 10 yard passing plays for Manning. His arm is shot

KC has a good chance and if Jamal Charles can run enough to keep the ball out of Alex Smith's hands they have a chance

The Raidahs' used to be my favorite AFC team to watch. Especially against KC back in the Kenny Stabler days. A fight every 2 minutes! 
They have a good young QB and receiver and 1 linebacker. But not much else. Charles Woodson a great ex Packer is there but unless he can get some viagra it getting close to the end.

NFC East. Eagles have the worst fans (They booed Santa) a whacky coach with a whacky offense. Best thing is Chipper doesn't care who he has to run out of town to win. Lot's of talent on O Defense will be gassed by the 4th game. If they score 50 they will win.

Cowpukes kept the wrong free agent. Lot's more talented wideouts than running backs. O line can make any runner look good but for as good as they are Romo always get's killed. Defense does enough to win. My pick for the division.

Giants Coughlin should have retired after the last Super Bowl win. Eli (The Great Gazoo) wants to be the highest paid player.  He throws up so many wounded ducks the hunter would have a field day.

The Skins are a mess. Enough said

NFC North:
Once again like every year, Viking fans think they are a lock to win the Super Bowl. NOT!   9-7 is what I see. Teddy Two Gloves is an upgrade over years past but can he avoid the sophomore jinx? The Child Beater will run rampant the first few games but a year off will start to show.

The Loins (I spelled it that way on purpose) Will win a lot of games with smoke and mirrors just like last year. They will score a lot of points again but Stafford will challenge Cutler and Jamis Winston for the INT crown. Defense will miss Sue and Fairly. If they avoid dancing injuries they can contend. Dominic Riola will carry on with the Personal Foul title once again. 

The Bears will have a tough go of it. Forte is still their Forte. Best news for Jay is Winston will throw more INT's but a couple of pick sixes are a good bet. Bears cut Tim Jennings after they found out he sold his horseshoe to the Loins! 

Packers will win the division without Jordy. Rodgers can make Al Ernst look like a sleek wide receiver. Lacy will pound the rock


Defense is shaky. Mathews getting a hangnail injury in crunch time is no good. Secondary is young and will get torched. Watch out for UDFA Ladarius Gunter though.Crosby is Money and the Ginger's punting is bad. Good thing they don't punt a lot. McCarthy is taking hold of the entire team. His new name Das Boot!

NFC South: 

Junk division but a 3 way shoot out. Saints are so tight against the cap it's all down hill. Panthers have lost a lot of players already. Falcons have the best kicker in the league. Matty Ice needs to rely on good football and not throwing it up for grabs. My pick Riverboat Ron and Cam

Bucs have a future turnover machine in Winston. Lovie will have the same look on his face that he has in Chicago

NFC West. 

Rams with an all out defense and no offense. Will give teams fit and may hurt a few QB's along the way

Cardinals have the coolest coach but a china doll playing QB.

Forty Whiners are approaching Redskin status. Kaperklink has regressed back to a college QB. New coach won't be as entertaining on the sidelines as Hairball but his post game pressers should be epic

Seachickens will win the division again. Pete Carrol will bite his tongue at some point with the gum chomping and highfives. Russel wilson will hand out his bottled water to his team mates but Lynch won't touch the stuff. Richard Sherman will be the new host of Family Feud

In closing an epic Dougie Rant!

 

Edited September 5, 2015 by squonk

[Aldon 4,826]

Bills, Steelers, Colts, KC - Steeler Champs

Packers, Falcons, Seahawks, Eagles - Eagles Champs

wild cards too slippery to call but Denver, New England Miami and Cards, Rams Detroit all look like possibles.

Super Bowl 50 - Pennsylvania  Civil War of a type. Steelers win offensive shoot out.

[stevasaurus 22,230]

OMG...I understood squonk!!!  Everything he said!!!  It's 10:00PM on a Friday night on Labor Day Weekend and it is all there in Black and White!!!    Usually, I have to read something like this 3 times to absorb the content...it only took twice...and the 2nd time was just to make sure it wasn't the Margaritas. 

I agree with you about losing Doug...a moment of silence please.    DA BEARS 

[AMC RULES 36,945]

How can you be sure...
it wasn't the Margaritas?    

[squonk 38,925]

If I had the Margarita's I wouldn't even understand it!    

 

[stevasaurus 22,230]

Exsqueese me...a moment of silence PLEASE. 

[squonk 38,925]

Opening week! Fireworks already. The Pats do what they do every year, (cheat)  and the Steel Curtain has some rust holes.

First year for Sunday Ticket. Bear Down! 

[stevasaurus 22,230]

GreenBay's season is on the line today, and I think they are in trouble.  DA BEARS
They could not have asked for a nicer day for football...high 60"s 

[stevasaurus 22,230]

Hey Mike...the Brain-Trust on Fox is picking Detroit over San Diego as their upset.  This is Earth in 2015, right??  I'm just not sure... some things are not the same.  I painted the parts of my new plow earlier, and I have not put any finger prints on them yet.  Things just are not right.  GO BEARS.  OMG...they have Joe Buck doing the commentary...he was the guy that handed out towels after the game in High School...give me a BREAK...he never shuts up.  It's going to be a long season. 

 

Edited September 13, 2015 by stevasaurus

[stevasaurus 22,230]

It looks like Joe Buck is "TRYING" to grow a beard.  He will have to stop taking estrogen to do that. 

[squonk 38,925]

McCarthy shaved his beard and gave the clippings to Buck. He glued them on this morning. Packer defense is turrible. I don't normally complain about officials but if the Packers want to stop the Bears the defensive line just needs to fall down and get holding calls. Last I knew, holding meant grabbing.

[stevasaurus 22,230]

WAH...WAH...WHINE...WHINE...you little Green and Yellow guys are all alike.  HEY REF...HE TOUCHED ME...WTF!!!    You going to call that???

     Cut that out...that tickles. 

[Aldon 4,826]

Opening week! Fireworks already. The Pats do what they do every year, (cheat)  and the Steel Curtain has some rust holes.

First year for Sunday Ticket. Bear Down! 

yeah, The Steelers looked a bit rusty in first half but like an old rusty tractor they will git'r'done and surprise doubters in the weeks to come.

[stevasaurus 22,230]

I knew it was going to be a long day when I had to listen to Joe Buck.  Did he and Troy get married yet...maybe when they get to OHIO.    Get out the cat. 

[stevasaurus 22,230]

A moment of silence please...until 2017.    I am in mourning for the rest of the season...Joe Buck and Arron Rodgers have the same father...different mothers. 

[squonk 38,925]

As Charles Barkley would say, the Packers defense is Turrible. Linebackers have concrete galoshes on. Defensive backs get swatted away like tetse flies. Linemen with no penetration. Same defense every year. Packer offense will need to score 28 + every week. how about James Jones. Always liked the guy. No diva. Give the Bears credit. Offensive game plan was solid. give it to Forte and stand back. 85,000 people knew where the ball was going and couldn't stop him. Bears D has nothing to work with. 

Rams pulled one out against the hated Sea Chickens Pack has a chance to go up 3 games on those bums next week.

No & AZ  SD & the Loins look like barn burners. Balt and Den look like a typical AFC Stodgy game.
Titans look like champs next to the NFL's newest turnover machine in Tampa. Browns uni's are Turrible
Bills will have their fans all frothed up for another week. I said it before, Colt D is almost as bad as the Packers
Washington should be in the AFC their so stodgy. Miami nut much better. The ginger only managed 17 against Oaktown
Cam beat Bortles in a "SlugFest"
Texans, Next time you have a home opener, Play in the first half please. Bowles when he signed with the Jets saw the schedule said. "We play the Browns first. The first game is on me! "

A classic Turrible rant from Sir Charles (Or his clone)
 

 

[stevasaurus 22,230]

I've already lost interest in the NFL...one week and puck it...looks like I will be able to get a lot done on Sundays this year...check the scores in the evening. 

[squonk 38,925]

I wonder how many lawn mowers start at 4:30 est all around the country during football Sundays.

[Bach-Ed 164]

When Squonk said "Offensive game plan was solid. give it to Forte and stand back"   My old brain has heard this before but it was , for a lot of years "Give the ball to Walter."

[stevasaurus 22,230]

Yep...Payton left...Payton right...Payton up the middle...punt 

[squonk 38,925]

You forgot Peyton over the top for a TD. I think he ran over more people than Jim Brown,John Mackey and Cookie Gilchrist combined! 

[papaglide 541]

You forgot Peyton over the top for a TD. I think he ran over more people than Jim Brown,John Mackey and Cookie Gilchrist combined! 

Mike you must have Walter confused with  EARL CAMPBELL!!!    He ran over and carried on his back more players than than Franco Harris ran out of bounds from!

SKOAL BROTHER!!!!

[Aldon 4,826]

You forgot Peyton over the top for a TD. I think he ran over more people than Jim Brown,John Mackey and Cookie Gilchrist combined! 

Mike you must have Walter confused with  EARL CAMPBELL!!!    He ran over and carried on his back more players than than Franco Harris ran out of bounds from!

SKOAL BROTHER!!!!

I loved watching Earl pulverize opposing defenses. AWESOME!!!!!

[squonk 38,925]

Campbell just ran through people like they wern't even there. Walter used to collide with guys like a sumo wrestler.


Bum on why he didn't give Campbell the ball on 4th and a mile, " Because he can't run a mile." 

[squonk 38,925]

        

Edited September 15, 2015 by squonk